It is good to hope in silence
My grandmother passed away last Thursday after many years of depression and unhappiness and we had a funeral mass today. I was given the honor of proclaiming the first reading from Lamentations and as I reflected on it last night, found myself moved to tears. I sometimes find myself railing against my current situation (often with no right considering the blessings I’ve been given) and this reading was a reminder to step back and take stock of the important things in my life and remember that tomorrow is a new day and that with patience, situations change:
My soul is deprived of peace,
I have forgotten what happiness is;
I tell myself my future is lost,
all that I hoped for from the Lord.
The thought of my homeless poverty
is wormwood and gall;
Remembering it over and over
leaves my soul downcast within me.
But I will call this to mind,
as my reason to have hope:
The favors of the Lord are not exhausted,
his mercies are not spent;
They are renewed each morning,
so great is his faithfulness.
My portion is the Lord, says my soul;
therefore will I hope in him.Good is the Lord to one who waits for him,
to the soul that seeks him;
It is good to hope in silence
for the saving help of the Lord.
It breaks my heart that my grandmother couldn’t see all the blessings around her; that she was utterly convinced that she had been abandonned by her children and that she spent the last 6 years just waiting to die rather than enjoying each day and the blessings they provided. She had 5 beautiful, talented caring children all of whom took everything they learned from her and went out into the world and made themselves into fantastic adults, each with a masters degree, three of them marrying wonderful mates and raising fantastic, socially responsible, intelligent and talented children (if I do say so myself). She had an extended family that bent over backwards to accomodate and care for her. She had a husband of 53 years who dedicated his life to supporting her and loved her with every inch of his being. It pains me that she couldn’t step back far enough to see all the gifts she’d been given.
I suppose what I should take away from the experience of witnessing her behavior over the past 10 or so years is to focus on the wonderful people and experiences I have in my own life and not the few things that might be lacking.
